| Friendship vs Your Lifelong Partner:
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When you meet someone new it usually turns into a brief conversation that usually starts with a simple hi or hello. If the conversation continues it may include likes and dislikes. This is normal since we want to see if we have anything in common with the other person. If you both like apples, the conversation continues and can include favorite television shows, sports and more. Now if you like sports and the other person doesn’t, this will not necessarily eliminate the possibility of a new found friendship. However when you meet someone that has very strong opposite views on moral issues, religion or politics, it could possibly turn the new friendship into a casual relationship, or in some cases no relationship at all.
We all have a built in sense of right and wrong. Some of us have a tendency to think that doing some things wrong is OK, while others don't. The extent that a person goes has a great effect on whether or not we want to have a relationship with them. An example would be a person that would never cheat you and that you can trust would probably be one that you would like to have a friendship with. While a person that is out robbing banks for a living would probably cause you to run as far away from them as possible. If it doesn’t, you need to take a hard look at yourself.
Friendships come and go throughout our lifetime. Some friendships end because we move and some end for other reasons. But some friendships last a lifetime and are truly worth it. The relationship between lifelong friends is rewarding, uplifting and joyful. We all need good friends. Someone we can confide in, someone we can be with in times of trouble and someone we can have great times with.
Truly great friends become a wonderful thing to have in our lives.
The importance of friendship, intimacy and oneness:
We were not meant to be alone! We were created for friendship or what the Bible calls fellowship with each other. However choosing your friends is something you need to do very carefully. The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 15:33; do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
What do we mean by bad company? Let’s say you have a friend that always want you to go out and try to pick up some woman to have sex with. It should be obvious to you that this is not the kind of friend you need. Have you ever noticed that when someone has underlying issues that they can’t handle, they always want to grab on to someone and drag them down along with them? They know deep down inside that what they are doing is wrong, but they are trying to justify what they are doing by getting someone else to do it with them. I call this self-justification through self-sanctification. If I can get someone else to do this with me I will feel better about myself. If you allow yourself to fall into this trap then you are allowing your character to be corrupted by bad company not to mention the possible consequences of these actions, which could lead to a possible incurable STD.
The results of the first association with Bad Company:
When the serpent approached Eve in the Garden of Eden, he (the bad company) used deception to fool Eve into doing what she should have never done. By getting her to think that eating the fruit from the one tree that God told them not to eat from, she would become more like God by having the knowledge of knowing the difference between good and evil.
Turn to Genesis 3:6-7; When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
Notice she took some and ate it; now let’s stop right there for a moment. It does not say that when she ate it her eyes were opened and she was separated from God. It was not until Adam was given the fruit and ate it that both of their eyes were opened and immediate separation from God took place. Now the Bible doesn’t tell us the amount of time between Eve eating the fruit and Adam eating it. I would think personally that Adam might have questioned her as to God’s telling them not to eat from that tree. But during the conversation it may have seemed innocent enough, so he made the decision to also eat it. This is important since all decisions we make are our own and we have the ability to choose right or wrong. Adam obviously chose wrong.
When you are with that friend that wants you to join them in doing something wrong, you are not in trouble until you do it. So lets say you’re with a friend that wants you to go out and pick up some women. You tell yourself that it can’t hurt to just look and fool yourself by thinking that you just might actually find someone really nice. You take a bad action and justify it by thinking you’re motives are pure. If you are searching for trash in a garbage can do you really believe that you’re going to find treasure?
Galatians 6:7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
If you plant corn how amazed would you be if pumpkins grew instead? It’s impossible! You plant corn you get corn. You plant deception you get deception. You plant good you get good.
Let’s back up for just a minute and go back to Eve in the garden. Why didn’t God step in when the serpent was deceiving her and put a stop to it right then and there? Because God is not a stalker! He does not hover over us 24/7 looking for everything we are doing wrong. Besides He already knows everything about us and still chooses to accept us anyway. He loves us so much that he gives us free will to make decisions and choices on our own. Unfortunately when we make the wrong choices, there are and always will be consequences.
I know of a woman who has gone through a bad divorce. She is constantly going out with different men in search of someone who can fill her needs in an effort to relieve pain of her divorce. Instead of dealing with the issue and realizing how precious and valuable she really is, she chooses to keep putting band-aids on a gunshot wound. Deep down inside she never fills the void so she continues rolling the dice hoping to meet Mr. Right to replace what she has lost. Now somewhere along the line she realizes that this is wrong but again rather than dealing with it she finds a way to self-justify and self-sanctify by trying to drag a friend with her, and unfortunately any friend will do, since it’s not about the friend but about her. And if she destroys her friend in the process, so what, she feels better about herself. You see some of us feel that when we do something wrong it won’t be as wrong if we have someone else doing it with us. True friends will lead you away from destruction they will not drag you into it. Beware of friends that say things like “Hey you need to find someone” or “Let’s go out and we’ll find someone for you, it will be good for you.” What will be good for you? Getting a disease, hooking up with a man that only has one thing on his mind and that’s getting you into bed and tomorrow he’s looking for someone else to jump into bed with. Why would you give up your most precious, deepest innermost love to a dirt bag like that! If you have a friend like this you can do one of two things. You can try to help them by telling them the truth or you can join them. The choice is yours, and unfortunately the consequences will also be yours. If they won’t listen to you and keep trying to get you to do these things, you need to run!
I had what I call an acquaintance, not a friend, there is a difference, and on one occasion he stuck a cell phone in my face with an absolutely disgusting photo. I immediately told him how I felt about this and asked that he never do this to me again. He agreed and has to this day never done it. The point is that you have to cut the rot off immediately! That was someone daughter in the photograph, and hopefully when his daughter grows up, someone never puts a picture of her like that in his face. Imagine how he would feel then.
So how do we find the right someone? God will place the people in your life that you need!
Jeremiah 29:11-14, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and fine Me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.”
Plans to prosper you! The definition of prosper is to favor; to render successful; to succeed; to be fortunate or prosperous; to thrive; to make gain; to grow; to increase. Pretty straight forward isn’t it?
Nowhere does it say I will drag you into the dirt and force you to worship me. God loves you and wants you to love Him for His kindness and because of the deep love He has for you. He is only asking from you what He is giving to you.
God considers you as His most valuable possession. So what are you really worth? A piece of artworks value is determined by how much someone is willing to pay for it. So if you had a piece of artwork that was worth 10 million dollars you would have to agree that it would be very valuable and you would take great care in making certain that it was safe and could not be damaged.
God considers you so valuable that He was willing to pay for you with His one and only Son’s death on the cross, so that you would have eternal life with Him and not perish.
Since you are that valuable to God, why would you subject yourself to relationships and friendships that are shallow and meaningless? Why would you throw yourself out to a man that only wants to use you for his lust?
Ladies I am telling you that if the man you are with does not consider you to be his most valuable possession here on earth, he is not the right man! I don’t care if he is the best looking man on the planet, he is not right for you. Stop looking at the package with the beautiful ribbon and wrapping paper because when you open it, you may find it filled with the nightmare on Elm Street.
God will protect you from relationships and situations that will hurt or damage you. God will place the right people into your life that will help you. Open your eyes and look for the people God puts into your life and you will find they are uplifting, loving, caring and understanding. If they are not, then they are not from God! But beware for even an evil man can act loving for a period of time. Then when he gets what he wants, you’re toast.
Look for the obvious things like:
“I want to make love to you to show you how much I really love you.”
If he really loves you he is willing to wait until you are married. If he is not willing to wait he does not love you! It’s as simple as that. I don’t care what he says, or how right it may seem, if he’s not willing to wait under any circumstance he does not love you the way you need to be loved and that is with respect.
When you ask for help is he there for you?
If you need something is he willing to go the extra mile to help you. During the 12th hour will he come or put you off until tomorrow?
Does he go out of his way to do things for you without you asking?
A truly great man will always be looking out for your welfare. He will be constantly trying to find ways to help you even in your most troubling times. When you find yourself in trouble he doesn’t take two steps backwards and tell you that you’re on your own with this one.
Does he just buy you gifts off the shelf or does he create special heart felt gifts from his own creativity?
A man that will send you flowers that you were not expecting, a man that takes the time to write you a special card from his heart is a good indication that this man loves you.
If something was to happen in your relationship and causes him to be hurt does he still come through for you?
We all go through times when things happen and one of us gets hurt. If promises were made, a true man of character will follow through on what he has promised to do even when he is hurt. This is extremely important since you must have a man that will live up to his commitments and promises to you.
Most importantly is he centered in Christ!
Of all these things the most important is being centered in Christ. Because when a man is centered in Christ all the other things will fall in place. If you are fortunate enough to find a man with all the above run to him and never let him go! Because this is a once in a lifetime gift from God! I don’t care if you’re 50 and he is 25, I don’t care if he is not the greatest looking man on earth, your wellness, prosperity, happiness and future depends on it. When you follow God’s plans for your life they will never fail.
So why is it that some of us end up with people that don’t meet the mark? Because we settle for something less than what we are worth. God guides us and tells us what to do but we choose to do it our own way instead. We all have free will and the right to choose.
Peer Pressure:
Let’s say that God has placed someone in you life and you are considering him or her as a marriage partner. The biggest mistake we make is to allow our friends to make our most important decisions for us. I have heard things like “I don’t know what you see in him,” or “you can do so much better.” God does not make mistakes! Turn to God for your answer and not you’re friends. It’s better to be with the person God has for you than with the greatest looking stud that ends up making you completely miserable. Hollywood is full of the best looking people on earth that end up in the biggest knock down drag out painful divorces on the planet. When you listen to friends and then it goes bad, you’re so called friends will then back peddle and say “I always knew there was something wrong with him.” What a terrible time to find out!
You need to look at the inside of a person not the outside! You can have a garbage can that is polished and without a dent, but it still has garbage in it.
Your lifelong partner:
Everyone needs some really good friends. God tells us in Genesis 2:18 that it is not good for man to be alone. And how true this is because lonely people will do bad things in an effort to fill the void that only God can fill.
One of the most important decisions you will ever have to make is picking your lifelong partner. Picking Mr. or Mrs. Wrong will be devastating and destroy you spiritually, mentally and even physically as you walk through you life. I have seen time and time again where two people hook up together, jump into bed and end up on the chopping block of disappointment, resentment, loneliness, and extremely hurt. These types relationships leads us to want to be alone, and never get into another relationship like this again. And you should not get into this type of relationship at any cost. This is not God’s plan for your life!
God's plan for you’re relationship goes so much deeper. (Genesis 2:18) The Lord God said, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
When God formed Adam from the dust of the ground He knew that Adam needed a close intimate friendship that went beyond just great friends. So God made a woman. Now God chose to make the woman from the rib He had taken out of man, which illustrated for us that in marriage, a man and woman symbolically become one flesh, a oneness that joins their hearts and lives together. God treats this special partnership very seriously. A marriage between a man and a woman is God's plan. A marriage between a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, according to God (Romans 1: 26-27) is an abomination!
The ultimate friendship and oneness comes through marriage. But before you go running off to get married there are some things you need check. Every marriage needs to have an open, uncovered honest beginning. If telling that special someone about some skeleton in your closet causes them to run, then this probably is not the right person for you.
There are three things that should exist for a good marriage.
1. There should be a great friendship.
2. There should be some physical attraction.
3. Both of you should be centered in Jesus! (Most important)
The percentage of divorce in America today is staggering at close to 50% and today it is possibly even getting higher. However the percentage of divorce between couples that are centered in God is less than 3%. God is the glue that holds things together through bad times. We all are going to experience a turbulent or two during our lifetime. And believe me when I say this, it’s always better to know in advance that your partner for life will be there when the going gets tough.
I have two very good friends that I love dearly. He is what I would consider a great man of character. His wife had suffered a stroke and he constantly needs to help her daily to get around. He has told me how wonderful his life was when she was not sick. He is truly a great partner for her since he could have left as some would do but he chose to live up to his commitment because he truly loves her. Although there are times when the overwhelming pressures of a situation can seem unbearable, a great man stands up to the plate! This is the kind of man you must in your life!
Proverbs 31:23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
Proverbs 31:28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
So what kind of lifelong partner do you want in your life? Who has God placed in front of you? Do you allow others to make your lifelong decisions for you or do you follow God’s plan for your life? Remember God has only the best in mind for you, but you have to accept it. You are valuable and have great worth.
I closing I will say that if the woman I am seeing was in an accident and scared from head to toe and said “Who will want me now?” I would say “I do, I love you and need you in my life forever.”
God Bless you
Author: Ed Krusiewig
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